Stagiaires scape-goated by EU executive, tossed from the Berlyamonteian Rock
The European Commission has thrown a number of its interns from the roof of its HQ - resurrecting a practice originally deployed in Ancient Roman - as punishment for a series of botches that tarnished the image of the EU executive last week.
Screams and loud thuds echoed around the European quarter in Brussels this morning, as several Commission stagiaires were ritually pushed off the roof of the Berlaymont building, as officials quickly moved to shift blame to the institution's grunts.
A vaccine contract was published last week with the redacted segments still available when viewed with the right software and a portion of the Northern Irish Brexit protocol was nearly triggered without the right checks and measures.
Instead of President Ursula von der Leyen, Commissioners, high-ranking officials or diplomats taking the flak for the series of gaffes, a cohort of interns has been sacrificed. A spokesperson said "the buck stops at the bottom".
"You really think that highly-paid, experienced, committed European officials would make such fundamental, embarrassing mistakes? We were let down by our support staff," the spokesperson added.
Apparently, the decision to bring back the archaic practice was suggested by von der Leyen's circle of German advisers, who insisted that the Commission has to look tough following an unfortunate run of days where it looked anything but.
One EU official, when asked by Le Chou about the barbarity of the punishment, said "it's 12 storeys, if they really love Europe then they'd survive". The head of the stagiaire union was not available for comment for obvious reasons.