How To Defeat A Covid Disinfection Robot In Mortal Combat



Possibly murderous EU-funded robots are coming. Le Chou explains how to deal with the mechanical menace.


The European Commission announced on Friday that Slovenia will roll out ‘disinfection robots’ in some hospitals, to help protect healthcare workers.


If Hollywood and sci-fi literature has taught us nothing, it is that this is the beginning of an robotic onslaught on society, right when humanity is busy dealing with the pandemic.


Le Chou has you covered: here are the dos and donts if you have to fight one of the automaton assailants.


Brussels bash


The disinfection robots were developed with EU funds. Use that to your advantage by telling the cyborg that ‘more Europe’ is not the answer and belittle the vaccine procurement process.


This should overload its software and game its strategy microchip, allowing you to attack its soft underbelly. Be quick though, as it will reset its system every five minutes.


Journalists watch out


The robots have chosen Slovenia as their attack point and given the current government‘s stance towards the media, the machines will likely target journalists to ingratiate themselves with their hosts.


When confronting your opponent, avoid journalistic lingo like “deadlines”, “follow up” and “this coffee is shit”. Praise for Slovenian PM Janusz Jansa is also advisable.


Cool down


The robots’ core directive is to eliminate Covid. Ensure your body temperature is low and don’t cough in front of them. This should allow you to sneak past the drones and to confront their Queen.


Destroy her and the rest will shut down automatically.

Take the high ground


They are Roomba-style robots so can’t climb stairs. Probably the best advice we could have given you, maybe we should have listed it up top. Oh well.


May the odds be in your favour and may your legend echo in eternity.