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Palais De Justice Renovators Land Construction Contract For Scotland-Northern Island Tunnel

Eternally-scaffolded building's engineers to lend expertise to Boris Johnson's vision

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson's plans to link mainland Britain to the island of Ireland by an undersea tunnel will be executed by the team that has been refurbishing Brussels' law courts for what seems like a thousand years.

It is definitely not an attempt to distract people from the bitter Brexit ramifications or worrying policies about opening up the economy once again to the ravages of COVID: the undersea tunnel is about liberating trade across the Irish Sea.

After the idea of a bridge was nixed because of the frequent storms, plans are moving ahead to dig a tunnel after the UK government hired the engineers that are hard at work on the magnificent but dilapidated Justice Palace in the Belgian capital.

"Well we took one look at that scaffolding and the sterling work this fine company has done refurbishing it and thought: these are the guys we need to do this job," Prime Minister Johnson told European journalists in a group interview.

"We understand that there have been several hiccups in this particular project but we are confident that free of EU red tape, 'Neverending Constructors Ltd.' will have this tunnel dug for us by the time the next James Bond movie comes out," the PM told Le Chou.

The firm will have to contend with a number of obstacles, chief among which is an undersea trench filled with tonnes of unexploded munitions, which the British army has been dumping there for decades.

"Don't worry, we've managed to survive Belgian bureaucracy so a shadowy abyss brimming with bombs should be a walk in the park," one engineer quipped.

Scotland's government was surprised by Johnson's decision to push on with the project. A spokesperson said: "It's very gracious of the English First Minister to gift us this tunnel so soon before independence. We might name it after him, although probably not."

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