UPDATED WITH OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM EUROPEAN COMMISSION
Disgruntled lorry drivers trapped in southeast England due to COVID and Brexit disruption have come up with a novel solution: annexing Kent and applying to join the EU before the end of December.
Thousands of drivers awaiting passage to the mainland have decided to set up a new nation on English soil to get around the bureaucratic nightmare caused by Brexit and COVID. 'Truckmenistan' is the newest EU membership applicant.
Roughly the same size of Luxembourg and now containing just about the same amount of trucks, the fledgling country is seeking to join the bloc before the 31 December.
A Truckmenistani diplomat told Le Chou that "Boris Johnson and the whole lot of them can get totally f***ed" and confirmed that the new country will also file an application for UN membership by year's end.
Construction crews have already started ripping up the rail inside the Channel Tunnel to convert it into a roadway and budding artists have been asked to come up with a flag design. "Our only ask is that it has a lorry on it," a newly appointed minister revealed.
EU sources refused to comment on whether Truckmenistan will be fast-tracked through the Gordion Knot that is the bloc's accession process but one Commission official said "they are more likely to join than Turkey, let's put it that way".
Senior officials at the Commission's DG MEME welcomed the new state's decision to head down the European path and urged Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier to oversee negotiations once he is done sorting out the fish talks.