Royal Navy gunboats deployed to protect the UK's fishing waters have accidentally shot down an RAF jet over the port of Dover, which was carrying a freshly-signed Brexit deal to London. The legal text is now reportedly being held to ransom in Kent.
Navy gunboats brought down the jet this morning after commanders mistakenly thought "it looked a bit foreign", during a period of high alert caused by an anonymous tip-off that French fishermen would soon descend on the Channel en masse.
The jet was carrying a copy of the Brexit deal, which EU leaders signed earlier in the day and which needs Boris Johnson's scrawlings to become a legal text. The pilot, who parachuted to safety, was unable to grab the text before bailing out.
Although the plane crashed on the right side of the Channel, it unfortunately came down in the newly-proclaimed nation of Truckmenistan. Angry lorry drivers last week declared independence and are now in control of most of Kent.
Johnson has reportedly sent special forces into Truckmenistan to retrieve the all-important document, which is now being held to ransom. Truckmenistani envoys have demanded the abolition of railways in return for the text's safe return.